dude maintain

If you know me at all well, you know I tend to be the kind of person who dumps everything out in a furious rant and then moves on.

I have one friend who, when I am particularly ranty, often responds with these deep encouraging words:

"Dude, MAINTAIN."

The deep reality of the situation is that I probably am in fact, besides the rant, maintaining.

I want to crumble, but I am not a crumbler. Not really, I have moments of breakdown but more than anything I knuckle up and get things done. It's just what I do. It's how I process. I will power through difficulty until I reach the other end and come crashing down.

I am the queen of maintenance.

Doing what needs to be done to survive, while everything else crumbles around me.

Its like an endless cycle of getting it all done but not really getting everything out of what I am doing. This applies to every area of my life, work, goals, sometimes even family and friends. I am doing the maintenance and up keep to keep things rolling, but I am not experiencing fullness in any of it.

I don't want to just maintain.

I know my friend means for me to keep myself together when he says,

"DUDE MAINTAIN!!!"

But I don't want to just keep it all together any more.

Some days I feel like one of those clowns from the Ed Sullivan show, spinning all the plates on sticks, while ridiculous circus music plays behind me.

I don't want to be that.

I don't want to just maintain, I want to THRIVE!

I started and advent devotional this week. It's called Indestructible Joy by John Piper. It seemed like the perfect book in a season where my joy has been somewhat tattered at times.

There was a line in one of the readings that I keep returning to and chewing on over and again. It is in a reading talking about the search and save mission of Christmas.

"He is a God on a mission, He is not aloof or indecisive. He is never in maintenance mode, coasting or drifting. He is sending, pursuing, searching and saving." 

Maintenance mode.

Coasting.

Drifting.

ugh...

I cannot pretend I haven't been caught in that state lately.

There are pressures, deadlines, warfare, crisis all manner of things, knocking me down off my square. It's making me frantic, rushed, pressured, stressed, broken and even deeply sad.

I want more.

More of Him.

More for Him.

More...

I'm sick of maintaining, coasting and drifting.

I want to be powerful in my pursuit of obedience.

I want to thrive.

A coworker that I really admire share with me this week about the difference between a soldier and a warrior. A soldier is someone who follows the commands of their officers and does what needs to be done. A warrior is relentless and will fight for victory no matter the cost.

I long to be a warrior for my Savior, but I cannot do it in maintenance mode.

I think I will flip the script, its not "dude maintain" it's '"DON'T maintain."

Forget about just getting it all done, or just getting by...

I want to be relentless in my pursuit...

I want to thrive.