crash

In my life, I have a pattern. Push until you make it, then crash.

Today was the crash.

Ever since I had mono the crash comes so much harder. It's inescapable. For me a big part of the crash is simply having a moment to just stop.

Stop moving.
Stop thinking.
Stop doing.

This morning I STRUGGLED to get myself motivated to work.

This evening when I came home, I crashed in a major way, like fully knocked out, starving but sleeping through dinner CRASHED.

I am grateful that the Lord give grace in the crash and strength to persevere until I get there. I know that I am weak and have a lot of growing to do but I am glad that his mercy gives me room to do it.

I am glad that He has shoulders broad enough to caring my exhausted imperfect self and that He give me room to rest.

Sometimes the crash feel like failure but in His amazing love he is teaching me it's fuel. It's a chance to collapse, stop spinning, regroup and move ahead.

Today I crashed. I napped. I chatting with my friends and laughed about nonsense. The laundry I wanted to do is still in piles. The projects that I could work on were left untouched, yet somehow, it doesn't feel like a waste.

That's a big deal for me.

The Lord is teaching me that it is ok not to be in a constant state of fury always going and doing. He is showing me that it's ok to stop the world, climb off the wild ride for a moment and just do nothing.

It can't be all we do but there is a time and a place.

Work. Work hard.

But don't be afraid to crash, to rest, to nap, to laugh.

Don't be afraid to stop.

It's life giving.

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