ready, set, go!

I have been writing in this blog for 10 days now. and working on this challenge for 15.

But today, well, today it's actually real.

Yup, its my birthday.

Today, the title of this blog became a reality. I am officially 33.

I don't know that there is anything overly special about 33. It's not a big mile stone or event. As I have worked today, I have told almost no one that this day is different from any other because it really isn't.

For me this day is only significant for marking the timeframe that I am giving this year to the Lord to fast, pray, work and study the word like I never have before. I'm uncertain why its THIS year. Probably simply because, up to this point, I have failed to obey.

For a few years I prayed the prayer over and over,
"Lord, I'm unwilling. But I am willing to be made willing."
Now I find myself, 33 and willing. The Lord gave me a list of obedience and I finally WANT to obey. I want to do this for the right reason.

For years I have struggled with the way that I look.

I am fat. 

My friends hate when I say that. They constantly make me point out things about myself that are beautiful. I have always struggled to do that. This weekend as I spent some time with friends I had to do such an activity and came up with,
"My eye, (Just one, I was having severe allergy redness in one) my ankles are not overly large, and I have very healthy hair." 
I can admit it, thats not an awesome list. There are certain realities I have to admit however, if I am ever going to be able to change them.

I have spent so much time hating the way I look on the outside that I struggled to realize that if I want to change it It has to happen on the inside first. It's like in the book of Matthew when Jesus says.

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean."

Now you might think, "Whoa slow down there lady. Are you calling yourself a pharisee?'

 Ummmm, well...YUP.

 Pharisee's were hypocrites. I am a hypocrite. 

 One of the things I feel most passionate about in my ministry to the homeless is to speak over my clients their worth in Christ. How hypocritical for me to KNOW that Christ believes I have value far beyond my image in the mirror or the numbers on my scale and still not be able to walk in that truth.

 I love what He is saying there though.
"Hey, you want people to see how great you are on the outside? Start on the inside."
Now, I am not saying that when I am all done with this I will look like a runway model. Thats not going to happen, nor is it the goal. What I am saying is that when this is all said and done, I believe how I see myself and the actual woman that I see in the mirror will be totally different because the work has been done from the inside out.

So here I go, for real now. No more practice.

7 goals.

1 year.

At the end of this year my wall should have 2,660 tally marks showing that I have been faithful to what the Lord is asking me to do. He is calling me to deep waters, and I am ready to dive in head first for where ever this will lead.

 Ready,

 Set,

 GO!


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