by faith
According to the little number at the top of my home screen, I have written 182 blogs since I started this journey. There are days when I know exactly what I am going to write about when I sit down at the keyboard. Then there are days like today.
I feel a little paralyzed staring at the screen tonight. My heart is in a bit of a weird place today. It's a place that I frankly, want to avoid a little bit. It's a place that honestly scares me a little.
Oddly, there has been a song in my head since this afternoon that seems to sum up where my heart is and its kind of a strange one. It's not the whole song in particular, its really just a line.
The line is:
Something has changed within me, something is not the same...
Somehow, I came to a place of extreme clarity about this journey and some of the Lord's reasoning behind it and that has changed the trajectory of my heart.
To be a little vulnerable, I will tell you that I can't honestly say that I am not freaking out about it a little. But there is a clarity.
I guess the reason that it is freaking me out, is the same reason that I struggle with most things. I am questioning if I am really qualified to walk the direction that I know the Lord has been clearly leading me for sometime now. I don't know how to go about it. It seems completely impossible and yet. My God is a God who doesn't know the meaning of impossible.
Today, my Sunday School class and I were all over the map. We started with some fishermen and then wound up talking about Noah, Abraham, Moses and tons of other people. The thing they all had in common was a sort of blind faith.
The fishermen left their nets, their boats, even their homes, to follow a man they really didn't know/
Noah, he build in built in the middle of the desert no clue what a flood really was.
Abraham left his home. his family and basically everything to go to a land that he had no clue where it was. He trusted that God would make him a great nation when he had ZERO children.
Moses listened to a bush and went to the King and demanded that he let the Israelites go. Then he followed pillars of fire and cloud through the wilderness drinking water from rocks and eating bread from the ground.
The common theme here is that following God rarely makes sense from a human perspective.
Today, I finally accepted the direction that I know Jesus is trying to point me, but I have no idea how to get there. There is a crippling fear in me that says that I couldn't possibly do this thing or have heard the Lord right. How could the Lord possibly point me THERE. (Let's be honest, the fear is so real that I will not even tell you people where there is. Not yet. Not today.)
The only thing I know for sure, is that this road that I am on is part of leading me there. All I know to do right now, is to stay the course.
So I will keep showing up.
That's why I am writing these words tonight. I am scared. But here I am, walking this road by faith and not by sight.
I feel a little paralyzed staring at the screen tonight. My heart is in a bit of a weird place today. It's a place that I frankly, want to avoid a little bit. It's a place that honestly scares me a little.
Oddly, there has been a song in my head since this afternoon that seems to sum up where my heart is and its kind of a strange one. It's not the whole song in particular, its really just a line.
The line is:
Something has changed within me, something is not the same...
Somehow, I came to a place of extreme clarity about this journey and some of the Lord's reasoning behind it and that has changed the trajectory of my heart.
To be a little vulnerable, I will tell you that I can't honestly say that I am not freaking out about it a little. But there is a clarity.
I guess the reason that it is freaking me out, is the same reason that I struggle with most things. I am questioning if I am really qualified to walk the direction that I know the Lord has been clearly leading me for sometime now. I don't know how to go about it. It seems completely impossible and yet. My God is a God who doesn't know the meaning of impossible.
Today, my Sunday School class and I were all over the map. We started with some fishermen and then wound up talking about Noah, Abraham, Moses and tons of other people. The thing they all had in common was a sort of blind faith.
The fishermen left their nets, their boats, even their homes, to follow a man they really didn't know/
Noah, he build in built in the middle of the desert no clue what a flood really was.
Abraham left his home. his family and basically everything to go to a land that he had no clue where it was. He trusted that God would make him a great nation when he had ZERO children.
Moses listened to a bush and went to the King and demanded that he let the Israelites go. Then he followed pillars of fire and cloud through the wilderness drinking water from rocks and eating bread from the ground.
The common theme here is that following God rarely makes sense from a human perspective.
Today, I finally accepted the direction that I know Jesus is trying to point me, but I have no idea how to get there. There is a crippling fear in me that says that I couldn't possibly do this thing or have heard the Lord right. How could the Lord possibly point me THERE. (Let's be honest, the fear is so real that I will not even tell you people where there is. Not yet. Not today.)
The only thing I know for sure, is that this road that I am on is part of leading me there. All I know to do right now, is to stay the course.
So I will keep showing up.
That's why I am writing these words tonight. I am scared. But here I am, walking this road by faith and not by sight.
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