where you begin...

This morning, I could barelybring myself to rise from my bed. I knew before my feet hit the floor, just how long this day would be. There were good reason's for the length of this day, but trying to convice myself to get up, read my Bible, spend some time on my knees, go for a run, make my bed, get ready for this lengthy day...it all seemed just too much.

Over in my mind I kept here the words of a song called "Where you Begin." It says:

Today I need you
Just to get through
Today I'm breaking 
Under the weight of it all
And I'm afraid I might fall
Today I'm empty
But I am willing
To keep listening
Looking for you through the noise
For Your quiet voice
Are you telling me to go?
Are you telling me to stay?
Are you telling me to hold onto you for another day?
Cause I've got nothing left
And I'm hanging by a thread
I give you all my weakness
You give me your strength
Cause I'm here again
Here at my end
Where you begin

Even typing those words bring tears to my eyes. It's so real. If I could have written a song for where my heart is today it would be that.

My obedience today felt broken.

My efforts pathetic and yet, I was a person who the Lord could use.

I don't know what I anticipated this night would be, but as I sat in an office that is not my own, covering a shift for a friend who buried her son today the Lord reminded me that when I am at my weakest, He is still strong.

Tonight I had to humble myself and make some apologies to some people I had been short with.

Tonight I sat with a woman who told me a story so heartbreaking I didn't know if I could possibly encourgae her.

Tonight I held a woman in my arms as she wept with a pain so real, from a place so deep I couldnt possibly begin to plunge into the depths of it.

I had nothing left, but God in me had something.

The Lord is teaching me, through all of what is going on right now, that I have absolutely nothing to offer in my own strength. He is teaching me that in my weakness He is so strong. He is showing me that there is a power availible to me at the end of myself that I have YET to come close to even tapping into.

He has given me many gifts and talents, but I lean on them instead of on Him.

I am thankful, that even though it is taking Him breaking me down, that slowly but surely, He is teaching me how to get out of the way and let Him move.

Today I am thankful for the end of myself, because where I end is where He begins.


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