0.01
I'm writing from the treadmill again.
Ill be frank. I fully intended for this blog to be about failure tonight.
Once again, my lungs have been CRYING for mercy all day. My ear has been ringing for a few days and I really didn't even believe for a moment that I had any type of run in me. Not even one, tiny, slow, mile.
I showed up to the gym so I could at least feel less guilt about my "goals" by "showing up" and at least walking a mile or so.
I climbed aboard my treadmill of choice.
(The one with no one near by, under the TV that is NOT working.) I paced myself somewhere around a slow "stroll" and began.
At 0.01 miles I reached down and pushed the up arrow under speed.
I ran.
I didn't run fast. Let's be real, I never do. But I ran faster than all the people who were walking. In doing so, I realized, I am made of tougher stuff than I thought.
Yes even now cooling down, my lungs are BURNING and I feel waves of dizziness, but I believe that I am on this journey to learn that I can do hard things that I don't want to do. I'm on this journey to quit quitting and underestimating myself.
Today I sat a young girl down who has been in our shelter for months and made very little progress. She is smart, beautiful and very talented. I asked her what was holding her back from being the person she wanted to be and pursuing more. After a lot of digging and tough questions it boiled down to two things.
Listening to lies about herself
And
Fearing that they were completely true
Everyday, I will have a new excuse why I can't do the things I have commit to do.
I'm so busy
I'm so dizzy
I'm so sick
My lungs are collapsing
Do you know what happened today?
One. Word. MIGRAINE
The list is endless and I have used every single one of them. Don't get me wrong, these are legitimate things, but when they ALWAYS take over and knock me completely off course there is something more behind it.
I know for me, just like my client, it is lies and fear.
Tonight I am grateful that I serve a God who is truth and courage. When the enemy lies and says I "can't" and gives me a litany of reasons why that's true, my God says, "just show up and try."
0.01 miles later, I'm running.
When I am stuck, completely bogged down with fear for all of the reasons "why not" the God I serve shows up and whispers, "it's not your strength anyway, it's mine."
Now here me clearly, I am not saying if you are deathly ill you should get up and go for a run. This is personal. What I am saying is don't let your fear of your own weakness outweigh your faith. I have seen time and time again the Lord sustain me in moments where I didn't think I had anything left.
One last story.
A few Saturdays back, I had worked a LOT of hours and days in a row. When I clocked out that night, a client said to me, "See you tomorrow Miss Linda!"
My response was, "No, you absolutely will not. I need at least one day, NOT to be here."
At 8:30 the next morning I got a text from the staff working who was waiting to be relieved, asking who was supposed to come in. There was a glitch in the schedule and the answer was no one. I pulled myself together in a fury and got in the car to go to work.
I cried the whole drive.
I couldn't do it.
I had nothing left.
The first hour or so of being there i struggled but slowly, grace upon grace the Lord encouraged my heart and showed me that I was right where I needed to be. Yes, when someone came to relieve me I was glad. But the Lord had been faithful to supply all that I needed even when I thought I had nothing.
Isn't that like our Lord, constantly filling us up. Today I read the story or Elijah and widow of Zarephath. Isn't it good to know that the same God who supplies unending oil to a widow who sacrificially fed a prophet is the same God who knows and supplies you with exactly what you need.
Stop believing the lies.
Take courage.
Run your race.
Ill be frank. I fully intended for this blog to be about failure tonight.
Once again, my lungs have been CRYING for mercy all day. My ear has been ringing for a few days and I really didn't even believe for a moment that I had any type of run in me. Not even one, tiny, slow, mile.
I showed up to the gym so I could at least feel less guilt about my "goals" by "showing up" and at least walking a mile or so.
I climbed aboard my treadmill of choice.
(The one with no one near by, under the TV that is NOT working.) I paced myself somewhere around a slow "stroll" and began.
At 0.01 miles I reached down and pushed the up arrow under speed.
I ran.
I didn't run fast. Let's be real, I never do. But I ran faster than all the people who were walking. In doing so, I realized, I am made of tougher stuff than I thought.
Yes even now cooling down, my lungs are BURNING and I feel waves of dizziness, but I believe that I am on this journey to learn that I can do hard things that I don't want to do. I'm on this journey to quit quitting and underestimating myself.
Today I sat a young girl down who has been in our shelter for months and made very little progress. She is smart, beautiful and very talented. I asked her what was holding her back from being the person she wanted to be and pursuing more. After a lot of digging and tough questions it boiled down to two things.
Listening to lies about herself
And
Fearing that they were completely true
Everyday, I will have a new excuse why I can't do the things I have commit to do.
I'm so busy
I'm so dizzy
I'm so sick
My lungs are collapsing
Do you know what happened today?
One. Word. MIGRAINE
The list is endless and I have used every single one of them. Don't get me wrong, these are legitimate things, but when they ALWAYS take over and knock me completely off course there is something more behind it.
I know for me, just like my client, it is lies and fear.
Tonight I am grateful that I serve a God who is truth and courage. When the enemy lies and says I "can't" and gives me a litany of reasons why that's true, my God says, "just show up and try."
0.01 miles later, I'm running.
When I am stuck, completely bogged down with fear for all of the reasons "why not" the God I serve shows up and whispers, "it's not your strength anyway, it's mine."
Now here me clearly, I am not saying if you are deathly ill you should get up and go for a run. This is personal. What I am saying is don't let your fear of your own weakness outweigh your faith. I have seen time and time again the Lord sustain me in moments where I didn't think I had anything left.
One last story.
A few Saturdays back, I had worked a LOT of hours and days in a row. When I clocked out that night, a client said to me, "See you tomorrow Miss Linda!"
My response was, "No, you absolutely will not. I need at least one day, NOT to be here."
At 8:30 the next morning I got a text from the staff working who was waiting to be relieved, asking who was supposed to come in. There was a glitch in the schedule and the answer was no one. I pulled myself together in a fury and got in the car to go to work.
I cried the whole drive.
I couldn't do it.
I had nothing left.
The first hour or so of being there i struggled but slowly, grace upon grace the Lord encouraged my heart and showed me that I was right where I needed to be. Yes, when someone came to relieve me I was glad. But the Lord had been faithful to supply all that I needed even when I thought I had nothing.
Isn't that like our Lord, constantly filling us up. Today I read the story or Elijah and widow of Zarephath. Isn't it good to know that the same God who supplies unending oil to a widow who sacrificially fed a prophet is the same God who knows and supplies you with exactly what you need.
Stop believing the lies.
Take courage.
Run your race.
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