grace and the christmas village

Of late, the way my life has been, I almost dread sitting down trying to attempt to find words to say. I hate that I am constantly saying, "Well, today was rough" or "Today was a really bad day."

I am SOOOOOO sick of the drama.

But I promised to be real, so here comes real.

This morning, I overslept.

I barely managed to shower and get my bed made before flying out the door.

Forget the Word, my prayer time, breakfast, my lunch and the fact that I needed to get gas on my way to work or risk the chance of running out. Forget all that.

As I got close to work, looking at the time and seeing I was officially late, I proceeded to hit all the red lights I encountered.

At one, I took a moment to notice my gas tank was pushing its way down PAST the "E." I stared hard at it and begged the Lord to just let me make it to work. Then I started to cry, as I stared at it, I realized, that is how I was feeling this morning. I was past "E."

I felt totally sapped of everything I had to give. There were pile of paperwork I had intended to get through yesterday that didn't happen because the Lord had a higher calling for me. Knowing they were still there however felt like mountains to me.

There was also the fact that I am simply so weary and slightly burnt out from everything that has been going on there. It's to the point that my clients are asking if I feel well or if I have been crying because I physically look weary. I hate this. I want to be the breezy sweet Jesus girl who walks through times of burden and difficulty with strong faith and joy that just radiates out of me.

At one point I just shouted out loud in my car for the devil to go away and leave me alone because I have had enough. I was still holding on to the hurt I had from the day before and I couldn't seem to release it not matter how hard I tried.

By the time I walked through the door this morning there was no shot left at regaining my composures being the poised, joyfilled picture of faith that I so long to be.

Before I even made it to my destination, a client stopped me asking for paperwork. It was important so I turned around to go with her to take care of it. Before we even got there, another client stopped me and said, (and I quote)

"What are you doing? Where are you going? When will you be back? I need....(something)."

My response was,

"I DON'T know!"

I took care of business and a client that the Lord has placed in my life in an effort to teach me patience stopped me and said,

"Well there is the lady who thinks she knows more about me than I know about myself. I have TWO things to say to you."

At this point the most loving thing I could muster to say to her was,

"I won't do this today."

And I kept on walking.

I finally made it to my destination where my wonderful boss was waiting for me. I recognized very quickly that she was not far from where I was. My story all came flooding out about how I felt like a total disaster today, my hurt feelings from the day before, the warfare and exhaustion, the feeling of being overwhelmed by what was still waiting for me. She listened. She always listens. I want to be like her when I grow up. Then she shut the door and we spent time in prayer. After that she sent me back to my office for a few hours to conquer my mountains.

It was quiet there. I turned on a VERY convicting sermon and worked at a rapid pace. My heart calmed, my nerves settled and by noon I was a person that I liked MUCH better again.

I swapped with my boss and went back out on the floor with the clients, so she too could work on the mountains facing her on her desk. Not long after that someone came in to relieve me and I headed back to my office.

Now, my office sits in a larger office that we call "the administration office." A receptionist sits in the front by a window and greets clients, volunteers and donors as they come to the window with all manner of questions. Often people with drop of donations of this and that and they will sit in the office until our maintenance team is able to disperse them where they need to be. As I strolled through the door, I greeted our new receptionist Sam, it was her very first day working all on her own. As I came around of her desk, I saw this outside my office door.

Now, in case you are uncertain what you're looking at, yes, that is an entire Christmas village encased in plexiglass.

Don't you have one of those outside YOUR office?

I asked Sam where it came from and she said, 

"I don't really know, some people just rolled it in and left it there." 

I don't know why but that very sight of this made me laugh so hard. 

I love Christmas. Love probably doesn't even cover it well. Adore maybe? It's one of my favorite things. I shamelessly have listened to Christmas music sporadically since mid October. 

Last week, as things were shaking loose I was listening to Christmas music because I just "needed" that calm and joy in the midst of everything. 

Today, when I saw that ridiculous village it was almost like I felt the Lord say, 

"I know that you need that calm and joy Linda, and I have it for you. Not in a small way but in a ridiculous and extravagant way. It might come in strange and unexpected places, but its there right in your path, just outside your door."

Maybe it seems silly but to me, that stupid Christmas scene was a giant reminder of the incredible mercy of the Lord. I got down on the ground and examined it closely. There were people singing in the church, boys and girls having snowball fights and building snowmen. There was even a man selling chestnuts. The details were amazing. 

Also, the case that it was in was rather fantastic. Try as I might I could not find a way in to disturb any of the tiny details. 

My God is a God of tiny details. When He pours out His grace, every detail is in order and it is protected in a way that no one can possibly disturb what He has set in order.

In the end, today WASN'T a bad day. It had a bumpy start and some less than glorious moments, but so much mercy and grace.

I am thankful today for grace and the Christmas village. :)