a light and hopeful heart

I'll be real.

The last few days have not been my most victorious "goal wise". It isn't that I haven't  done any of them, in the contrary for the most part I'm still trekking on.

I've consumed some food that is a bit less "clean" than I would like.

My miles the last few days have been...a little less than victorious.

There is a version on myself that would look at the "failures" of the last few days, toss her hands in the air resign herself to the fact that this is an impossible dream. That version however, is not the one who is writing this today.

Today, I feel totally at peace with where I am for a few reasons.

One, without even realizing just how badly I needed it, the Lord has been giving me rest. Not even physical rest, but a deep and sweet rest for my heart. Things have been heavy, pressure has been real and my natural inclination is to simply power through. In His amazing grace and mercy the Lord has given me the precious blessing of the simple things. Cuddles, cutting down and decorating the Christmas tree, putting up my beloved nativity scene, remembering that I am a TERRIBLE bowler, watching the lights fill up the park at the heart of town, and more things that I could even list, have all worked together to make my heart light again.

Two, I have such peace because I am learning to persevere. Not everyday is a win. Even Michael Phelps came in second sometimes. Somedays you barely scrape by. The real win happens after that when you get yourself back up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward. I heard someone say once that the most basic definition of perseverance is, if you fall down 6 times you get up 7. I am realizing that with my heart fully dedicated to this process, every time I get up, I am stronger than I was before I fell.

The last reason I have so much peace about this is because in my less than amazing days, I am learning to have hope that tomorrow I WILL rise up stronger than before. I am learning to believe in my self and what the Lord wants to do in me. I am NOT a quitter, a failure or worthless in anyway. I am simply a sinner, saved by grace, pursuing righteousness, in the process of being sanctified. I HAVEN'T arrived yet. Even that makes my heart joyful. I know it's cheesy but it isn't about the destination, it's the journey. Our entire life on this earth is a journey to know our Lord more and be known by Him.

Yes, my last few days haven't been the my greatest victories goal wise, but I will go to sleep tonight with a light and hopeful heart.

He's still working on me, hallelujah.



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