value
In the last 24 odd hours or so I have had a lot of interesting conversations. That is the nature of my job. Some people will never have any conversations like this in their entire lifetime while the team I work with, in a single shift, can have several.
In the last day or so there are four that are all standing out in my mind.
One was with a client who had been raped and passed around as a sexual object for the entirety of childhood.
One was with a young woman who is pregnant for the sixth time and has a broken heart because the child's father used her and left her.
One was with a young transexual who just recently attempted suicide.
The last was a conversation with a mother who was trying to cope with and understand her daughter's unique needs as a child with downs syndrome.
All of these conversations are pressing on my heart tonight because I feel like they all have a connecting theme. This is a theme that I think comes up more than any other as I minister to homeless women.
During all of these conversations my heart wanted to scream:
But this world is so sinful and it sweeps in and breaks our hearts and crushes our spirits.
I hate SATAN.
I hate the things he does in this world.
I hate sin and it's effects.
I hate the hopelessness.
I hate the feelings of worthlessness
I. HATE. SATAN.
As I held this beautiful little baby with Down Syndrome in my arms tonight, tears came into my eyes. Her mother was shocked to see my emotion but I was overcome with how precious this little girl is. When she asked my why I was crying all I could tell her was that it's because her daughter is so beautiful, precious and so loved by the Lord.
As I sat on the floor in front of a mom with such a broken heart because of the love she had lost when her babies father left her, my heart wrung with sorrow that no matter what I said, I couldn't seem to convince her that she deserved to save herself for someone who would love and value her whole person.
As I listened to this young transexual individual tell me the story of hopelessness and heartache that lead her to feel like there was no other option but to end her life I was filled with compassion for the way that people who walk in that type of struggle are treated in society and most sadly in the church.
As I stood dumbfounded listening to a horror story of unspeakable abuse, my heart filled with anger at the sick perversions that the enemy has flooded into the hearts of evil men. It also shattered that I could find no sufficient or eloquent words to answer the sobbing questions, "Where was God?" and "Why could I never be good enough?"
Oh this world, it is broken.
But even though I cannot totally understand it and I may never be able to convince all of the broken hearts that I see each day, God is good.
That good God says that we are His. He says that we are loved. He says that we are valued.
It's amazing. If I could shout from the rooftops and convince these broken hearts of how much they mean to the Lord, I would, everyday until I die.
But how can I convince other's when I struggle to believe it so much myself.
More than anything else, since I started this journey, the Lord has been working on this.
Tonight I am thankful for my infinite value to the Lord. I am thankful that even when I can't see it, He sees it.
As I ran today I was beating myself up. I'll be real, it was not my most victorious run in history. My obedience today felt rather broken and as I ran I prayed. I begged God to make me better, faster, stronger, more willing and more obedient.
It was almost like He said,
You know why?
Cause I am His little girl.
I am the apple of my Father's eye.
When He made me, He didn't mess up.
He made me just the way He meant me to be.
I am beautiful.
I am dearly loved.
I am chosen and called.
I am enough.
I am thankful that God believes all those things about me and I am thankful that He is taking the time to teach me to believe them as well.
In the last day or so there are four that are all standing out in my mind.
One was with a client who had been raped and passed around as a sexual object for the entirety of childhood.
One was with a young woman who is pregnant for the sixth time and has a broken heart because the child's father used her and left her.
One was with a young transexual who just recently attempted suicide.
The last was a conversation with a mother who was trying to cope with and understand her daughter's unique needs as a child with downs syndrome.
All of these conversations are pressing on my heart tonight because I feel like they all have a connecting theme. This is a theme that I think comes up more than any other as I minister to homeless women.
During all of these conversations my heart wanted to scream:
DO YOU KNOW HOW VALUABLE YOU ARE TO CHRIST?!?!These individuals are fearfully and wonderfully made. They are the apple of God's eye. They have great worth to the Lord. He created them to love Him and to know Him.
But this world is so sinful and it sweeps in and breaks our hearts and crushes our spirits.
I hate SATAN.
I hate the things he does in this world.
I hate sin and it's effects.
I hate the hopelessness.
I hate the feelings of worthlessness
I. HATE. SATAN.
As I held this beautiful little baby with Down Syndrome in my arms tonight, tears came into my eyes. Her mother was shocked to see my emotion but I was overcome with how precious this little girl is. When she asked my why I was crying all I could tell her was that it's because her daughter is so beautiful, precious and so loved by the Lord.
As I sat on the floor in front of a mom with such a broken heart because of the love she had lost when her babies father left her, my heart wrung with sorrow that no matter what I said, I couldn't seem to convince her that she deserved to save herself for someone who would love and value her whole person.
As I listened to this young transexual individual tell me the story of hopelessness and heartache that lead her to feel like there was no other option but to end her life I was filled with compassion for the way that people who walk in that type of struggle are treated in society and most sadly in the church.
As I stood dumbfounded listening to a horror story of unspeakable abuse, my heart filled with anger at the sick perversions that the enemy has flooded into the hearts of evil men. It also shattered that I could find no sufficient or eloquent words to answer the sobbing questions, "Where was God?" and "Why could I never be good enough?"
Oh this world, it is broken.
But even though I cannot totally understand it and I may never be able to convince all of the broken hearts that I see each day, God is good.
That good God says that we are His. He says that we are loved. He says that we are valued.
It's amazing. If I could shout from the rooftops and convince these broken hearts of how much they mean to the Lord, I would, everyday until I die.
But how can I convince other's when I struggle to believe it so much myself.
More than anything else, since I started this journey, the Lord has been working on this.
Tonight I am thankful for my infinite value to the Lord. I am thankful that even when I can't see it, He sees it.
As I ran today I was beating myself up. I'll be real, it was not my most victorious run in history. My obedience today felt rather broken and as I ran I prayed. I begged God to make me better, faster, stronger, more willing and more obedient.
It was almost like He said,
"Whoa there lady. Slow your roll. I happen to think that what you are doing is pretty great."I know that Lord is continuing to call me deeper into more obedience but today as I beat myself up for what I felt was "not enough obedience" He was faithfully pointing out all the things I had done that were obedience. He reminded me that all of my obedience, no matter how broken, brings a smile to His face.
You know why?
Cause I am His little girl.
I am the apple of my Father's eye.
When He made me, He didn't mess up.
He made me just the way He meant me to be.
I am beautiful.
I am dearly loved.
I am chosen and called.
I am enough.
I am thankful that God believes all those things about me and I am thankful that He is taking the time to teach me to believe them as well.
Comments
Post a Comment