follower

Its been a rather quiet and contemplative weekend in my world.

Just what I needed really.

It seems like the rest of the world is in such chaos that some peacefulness went a long way toward bring some rest to my heart. I forget the value of rest sometimes. I forget how much I need to just pull away sometimes and be quiet and still. I forget the way I tend to crave some "all-by-myselfness."  I know that is rather strange coming from someone who also is constantly battling loneliness, but its true.

The Lord speaks the loudest to me in stillness.

This weekend He has spoken to me so much about my journey with Him. This morning, in my Sunday School class we were discussing the calling of the first disciplines.

I am always challenged by this story.

To sum up my favorite highlights, what always jumps out to me is that when Simon, James and John realize they are in the presence of the Lord, it immediately impacts their life. They leave their boats, their nets, a MASSIVE catch of fish and follow their new master.

Encountering the presence of the Savior should dramatically alter the trajectory of our lives. Just like the disciples we need to learn to follow Him without pause/

I love in the story that it says, immediately.

I do not always obey in this way. In fact, most of the time I don't.

But I want to.

This weekend as I spent time quietly in the presence of the Lord, I felt Him whisper,

"What would you leave behind to follow Me? If I ask for your family and any hope of a family of your own, will you still follow? If I ask for you friends and the things that you love, will you offer them up to me with open hands? Is my path your path? Do you trust me with your whole heart? Do you trust me with your dreams, ambitions, talents and expectation? Is following me enough for you?"

To be honest, I want to shout "Yes Lord!!! Yes! Yes! YES!" But though my heart is willing, my flesh fails me at times.

I want to follow the Lord with open hands trusting Him to lead my heart and life exactly where it needs to go to do His will, more than anything.

A prayer I learned from Brother Andrew and find myself praying over and over is,

"Lord, I am not willing, but I am willing to be made willing."

I WANT to be willing to consider everything else as rubbish compared to the surpassing worth of knowing and following Christ. I am grateful for the chance to learn this surrender, even though it does NOT come naturally to me. I can't truthfully day yes to the questions the Lord places in my Spirit, but I want to.

Oh how I want to.

Make me willing Lord, to lay down my whole life and follow you.


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