a beautiful mess
Yesterday was a long day. New Years always brings a lot of turn over for me with stats and data on my job. This year I have the added benefit of being in some massive transition with the way we handle all of these things. My about 6:30, I was sitting in a staff meeting and I could feel my self CRASHING hard.
The tired was real and it was happening fast.
When I got home finally got home after finish some work and some goals and running and errand, I shoveled some food in my mouth and tried to be a little bit productive. It wasn't working so, I went to bed. I was compelled. I fell asleep instantly without even setting and alarm.
I woke up at 3:15 and realized I didn't feel great so I ascended the stairs to get some water to add to my humidifier. At this point I set my alarm so that I would be able to wake up, do my devotions, workout, pack my lunch, eat breakfast, shower, get looking halfway decent and get to work.
I realized in my middle of the night exhaustion that I was very tired so I set 4 different alarms.
I woke up...2 hours after the alarms I had set. I slept through them all.
At this point it became clear, I needed to prioritize.
There would be no morning work out.
Devotions would get packed with me to do on my lunch or sometime that I had a moment.
Breakfast HAD to be eaten an a lunch MUST be packed.
Everything else was a practice in absolute chaos.
As I packed my lunch, I was making a taco salad. You know what goes great in taco salad? Corn and black beans.
I couldn't find any black beans in the entire house so I improvised with some chili beans. Now for the corn...I pulled out a bag of frozen corn and noticed it seemed to be frozen pretty solidly into a ball. I thought to myself, "I'll just give the bag a little wack on the counter and it will break that right up."
Good news guys.
My working out is paying off...I'm kind of a beast.
Apparently I don't know my own strength.
I gave the bag a wack and BAM. There was a minor explosion of corn EVERYWHERE.
Now, I was on a time crunch. I stood there stupefied over what had just happened. I cleaned it up the best I could (sorry Mom) and finished packing my lunch.
At this point I needed to be walking out the door, and I was not even close to ready...at all.
I ran downstairs, wrangles and outfit and tossed it on. Threw some makeup on my face because...I'm trying to try harder.
Now the good news is, I realized my sweater was on inside out before making it the door. That felt like a win.
As I was sliding through stop signs on my way to work (running late) down very icy roads, I couldn't help but think, "Wow, you're basically a disaster today."
At one particular stop sign I punched the radio knob and turned it on. These words came floating into the car.
"Ah, but you're the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be,
More than just a beautiful mess."
I laughed.
I. Was. A. Mess.
But I needed to be reminded, there is beauty in my mess. More than that, my mess doesn't define me. It doesn't even define this day.
Do you ever do that?
Define your entire day by the bumpy start you are having.
I do.
All the time.
Even after all this time there is a very real and still very strong part of me that on days like today says, "Meh, forget about trying so hard today. Don't worry about your run, just grab something on your way to work you don't have time to pack a lunch. You'll do better tomorrow."
And then tomorrow becomes next week, and next week becomes after the holidays, and after the holidays becomes when things calm down for the new year.
It is an endless cycle.
It's a cycle that I want the Lord to break in me. Ya see the enemy knows exactly what he needs to do to knock us off our square in whatever good thing we are pursuing.
I see this ALL the time in dealing with people struggling to come out of addiction but it is real for ANYTHING in life. It's probably happening to each of us in some way but perhaps it's just subtle.
I don't know about you, but sometimes I'm just a pig wallowing in the mud of the "mess" I think I'm in.
I needed to be reminded today that I am more than my mess. It doesn't define me. It doesn't even define my day.
Yup, I overslept.
Yup, I had a corn explosion!
But guess what, I packed a healthy lunch. I also managed to read my Bible already. Im going to steal away time for prayer.
Maybe this day won't be perfect, but I absolutely refuse to toss in the towel before it's even started. Maybe things won't get better. That's fine, because God can work in a mess. He sees way past it.
So yes, today I am a beautiful disaster.
And I'm ok with that.
In fact, I plan to thrive in that. So take that enemy.
You can't have my this day.
It's already been claimed.
The tired was real and it was happening fast.
When I got home finally got home after finish some work and some goals and running and errand, I shoveled some food in my mouth and tried to be a little bit productive. It wasn't working so, I went to bed. I was compelled. I fell asleep instantly without even setting and alarm.
I woke up at 3:15 and realized I didn't feel great so I ascended the stairs to get some water to add to my humidifier. At this point I set my alarm so that I would be able to wake up, do my devotions, workout, pack my lunch, eat breakfast, shower, get looking halfway decent and get to work.
I realized in my middle of the night exhaustion that I was very tired so I set 4 different alarms.
I woke up...2 hours after the alarms I had set. I slept through them all.
At this point it became clear, I needed to prioritize.
There would be no morning work out.
Devotions would get packed with me to do on my lunch or sometime that I had a moment.
Breakfast HAD to be eaten an a lunch MUST be packed.
Everything else was a practice in absolute chaos.
As I packed my lunch, I was making a taco salad. You know what goes great in taco salad? Corn and black beans.
I couldn't find any black beans in the entire house so I improvised with some chili beans. Now for the corn...I pulled out a bag of frozen corn and noticed it seemed to be frozen pretty solidly into a ball. I thought to myself, "I'll just give the bag a little wack on the counter and it will break that right up."
Good news guys.
My working out is paying off...I'm kind of a beast.
Apparently I don't know my own strength.
I gave the bag a wack and BAM. There was a minor explosion of corn EVERYWHERE.
Now, I was on a time crunch. I stood there stupefied over what had just happened. I cleaned it up the best I could (sorry Mom) and finished packing my lunch.
At this point I needed to be walking out the door, and I was not even close to ready...at all.
I ran downstairs, wrangles and outfit and tossed it on. Threw some makeup on my face because...I'm trying to try harder.
Now the good news is, I realized my sweater was on inside out before making it the door. That felt like a win.
As I was sliding through stop signs on my way to work (running late) down very icy roads, I couldn't help but think, "Wow, you're basically a disaster today."
At one particular stop sign I punched the radio knob and turned it on. These words came floating into the car.
"Ah, but you're the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be,
More than just a beautiful mess."
I laughed.
I. Was. A. Mess.
But I needed to be reminded, there is beauty in my mess. More than that, my mess doesn't define me. It doesn't even define this day.
Do you ever do that?
Define your entire day by the bumpy start you are having.
I do.
All the time.
Even after all this time there is a very real and still very strong part of me that on days like today says, "Meh, forget about trying so hard today. Don't worry about your run, just grab something on your way to work you don't have time to pack a lunch. You'll do better tomorrow."
And then tomorrow becomes next week, and next week becomes after the holidays, and after the holidays becomes when things calm down for the new year.
It is an endless cycle.
It's a cycle that I want the Lord to break in me. Ya see the enemy knows exactly what he needs to do to knock us off our square in whatever good thing we are pursuing.
I see this ALL the time in dealing with people struggling to come out of addiction but it is real for ANYTHING in life. It's probably happening to each of us in some way but perhaps it's just subtle.
I don't know about you, but sometimes I'm just a pig wallowing in the mud of the "mess" I think I'm in.
I needed to be reminded today that I am more than my mess. It doesn't define me. It doesn't even define my day.
Yup, I overslept.
Yup, I had a corn explosion!
But guess what, I packed a healthy lunch. I also managed to read my Bible already. Im going to steal away time for prayer.
Maybe this day won't be perfect, but I absolutely refuse to toss in the towel before it's even started. Maybe things won't get better. That's fine, because God can work in a mess. He sees way past it.
So yes, today I am a beautiful disaster.
And I'm ok with that.
In fact, I plan to thrive in that. So take that enemy.
You can't have my this day.
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