numb

The past two weeks have held some heavy things. Deep aches, heart breaks, moments of illness and frustration , nothing to absolutely break me but piled all together it feels like a lot.

Most of it has been in my periphery. I have ached for others poor decisions, pain, loss and much more. Yet, even that weighs heavily on the heart. 

Today, as I process through a couple other intense items, I find myself in the weird numb place. A place where I know the pain of the news that I am hearing yet can't seem to allow myself to feel it. I am not sure what the Lord is doing or about how to process his timing, but I am sure that He is in all things.

Even if I can't seem to feel the full weight of the information I am absorbing, He can, He does and He is. 


Tonight I will rest in that.  

Just today I was reminded of another season of intense pain weakness and darkness that happened not long ago. I was reminded of one of the hardest most helpless moments of that season and told how God had moved in ways I had never know.

I know my God is good. I know my God is faithful. Even when things seem to make no sense. He is still on the throne.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my broken

Image
This weekend, my little peanut Daniel broke his thumb. Now he gets to spend the next several weeks in a cast. Saturday morning I had gone to spend the day with him. He and his sister were playing contentedly in the play room and he come to me with a forlorn look on his little face. "It's not fair." He declared in his 5 year old sensibility. "What's not fair?" I asked. "I can't play like I want to because my arm broken." My heart hurt for him. He just wanted to be...normal again. I pulled in up in my lap and cradled him like I did when he was a much smaller boy. Then I told him this: "No pal, it's not fair and I know it stinks that you will have to wear a cast for a while. But you know what? I bet none of the other kids in your class have a cast like yours do they?" He shook his head. "So that's actually pretty cool. You're the ONLY kid with a cast like yours. And you can still play it will just be ...
Read more

reconnect

As I grow older and continue to seek after the Lord, I am amazed how I, how am much an extravert, crave stillness. I crave solitude. I crave silence. This weekend, I turned off much of the noise, put my phone on do not disturb and spent time in stillness and living a simpler form of life. It was lovely. It was necessary. On Saturday afternoon I hung in my hammock in my brothers back yard and read to my nephew from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. As I read, I was stricken by the imagery. It was beautiful and eloquent yet simple.  I crave simple, more than I ever realized. In disconnecting for much of the weekend, yes, I missed chatting with my friends, but that was all I missed.  As I reconnected today and stepped back into all the pressures of regular life, I couldn't help wishing I were in my hammock in the woods reading CS Lewis or LM Montgomery. I think this has all been a lesson in balance. In order to connect well, I need to balance that conne...
Read more

whatever

This week has been ridiculously, unseasonably hot. I have spent way too much time complaining about and avoiding the heat. This morning as I was leading worship for church we sang the old stand by 10,000 Reasons. As we sang the first verse it struck me once again. The sun comes up it’s a new day dawning,  It’s time to sing your song again. Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, Let me be singing when the evening comes. That word, whatever.  That’s a word that is said flippantly all the time but when you put it in the context that song is saying it in, it’s huge. Whatever. Not just a few things that may come into our days. WHATEVER may pass and WHATEVER lies before. After that I taught my Sunday school class a song. This song talks about following Jesus under any circumstance. There is a verse in it that really tugs at my heart. It says, When I find myself so far from home And You lead me somewhere I don't wanna go Even in my d...
Read more