no more victims

I should have written last night but my heart was in a weird place. 

It wasn't my favorite day. It started out with two pieces of news that hurt my heart intensely. They made me want to run away from work. How could I possibly sit there all day? 

Then as my heart ached, the enemy began to whisper dark and hateful things. He reminded me of things I knew were lies but I couldn't seem to silence him.

In a desperate attempt to hear from Jesus and escape if even for just a few moments, I went over to the park on my lunch break to sit quietly, soak up the sun and talk to Jesus.

This would not be.

Moments after I sat down a gentleman approached me on his bike.

He asked if I had a cigarette and I told him I did not smoke. Then he got all together to close to me, standing over me and blocking me in where I was and began to make some very disturbing suggestions of things he would like to do to me. 

I tried to remain as calm as I could because suddenly I felt very vulnerable and threatened. I refused his "offer" and asked him to please leave me alone. He lingered over me for a moment and in it, I wasn't sure what he would do. I tried to look at my phone and not make eye contact and prayed he would just go away without incident. He rolled away. I sat for a moment, trying to collect myself and then calmly got up and began to head back across the street.

He followed. When I got to he edge of the busy street once again he came up close to me and because to ask me things. At this point after, in my panic that was now setting in, I almost stepped into traffic. I turned to him and said, "sir, if you do not get away from me, I will call the police." 

He shrugged as if I was totally overreacting and said, "I just wondered if you had a cigarette." 

I reminded him firmly and brusquely that my answer to all his questions was no, then I saw a gap in traffic and ran across the street.

I was rattled.

I have been in situations where I was convinced that I was about to be assaulted before on my job, but never anything with such a sexual nature. The words he used and things he said still make my skin crawl. 

I've never wondered so clearly if I was about to be sexually assaulted or not. I have never felt so puny and vulnerable. I pride myself in being brace, strong and sturdy stock but in that moment, I was just an frightened and small little girl.

In hindsight, the thing that upsets me the most, aside from all the ways the enemy tried to warp all the parts of my day in my mind, was that that park is a place where my clients hang out.

Clients who are so much more vulnerable than me. Clients who have addiction and can be easily manipulated. Clients who have mental illness. Young girls who are so much more vulnerable than I am.

It makes me angry to think that they are being approach in this way potentially all the time and that many of them may be being victimized.

Yes, I felt small and threatened, but at the end of the day I AM strong and brace and this man could not have done anything to me without a SERIOUS fight. But some of my clients have no fight left.

Yes, I'm slightly rattled after this incident, but true further I get away from it, the more I am just ticked off and resolved. 

I am resolved to pray, fight and stand for those who are victimized. I will not be silent about the filth and that is happening in our culture day in and day out. Enough is enough. 

We need to purify our minds and hearts.

We need to pray for a break down of the intense sexual nature of sin that has so inundated our culture. We need to stop laughing at immorality on TV and acting like it's normal in movies. We need to be outraged. This, breaks the heart of God. It breaks my heart too.

So thank you you disgusting man. If I see you again I will have a great deal more to say to you. We have to stand for those who don't know any better and for those who are being victimized. We have to pray, fight and pray for a return to purity in our culture.

Satan, you tried to break me.  But know this, you can knock me down but I will get up stronger, madder and more resolved each time. You may have won some small battles yesterday, but you are starting a war.