my provider

OK, I have words today. I'm actually writing them as I find them so I don't miss the opportunity. That effectively means, that this post is being written somewhere along the connecting point of the Kalhaven trail and the Kalamazoo River Valley Trail, as I am trudging my way to work.

That's right, I am walking.

Now, sometimes in the past, I have made the choice to run to work. It is a practice that I enjoy greatly. But today, I walk out of an element of necessity.

Yesterday, as I was driving to work, my car decided to… Have an emotional breakdown. Or let's be real, I keep describing it as, "it freaked the freak out." 

I was late for work, I had to call my mom like a little girl, and now my car is in the shop being repaired. The timing of this situation has not been ideal. Financially, and the last month or so has been slightly draining. Today, however, is payday and I was starting to feel as though I was leveling off to a more comfortable place.

After getting the approximate estimate for the repairs on my car and doing some quick math I realized that when it was all said and done I would have just about $64 of my paycheck left.

I get paid every two weeks.

Stay with me, this is not the story of how I'm setting up a go fund me account in order to survive the next two weeks. It's actually a story to remind you and I of the constant presence and faithfulness of God.

"Even when I am faithless, He is faithful still..."

Do you know how you sometimes get knee-deep into a pity party before you realize you even decided to attend? I suppose that it has been going on since yesterday. I was just tiptoeing my way into the party willingly and perhaps a little bit knowingly.

Usually, when I run to work, this path is a place of worship, mercy, grace and growth. But as I strolled along the sounds of my pity party begin to grow louder and louder in my heart. I was on the verge of throwing a real rager, when my Jesus showed up to quiet my heart. 

I mentioned before that my walk was partially happening out of necessity. My dad COULD have driven me to work, but he was busy and it might have been a little inconvenient. Besides, I had calories to burn for the day and goals to reach. Might as well kill two birds with one stone.

But as I walked down my street to get to the trail that would take me downtown, a little whisper started in my heart. 

"With your mom in Holland watching Gracelyn, and your dad busy with other things today, you actually had no one else to take you to work."

It was a thought I brushed off and did not perseverate on, less because I didn't believe it and more because I did. It was one of those "yup, it is what it is," situations.

Not five minutes later, I didn't actually realize what was happening in the moment but, a large white SUV pulled up window down and stop next to me. It was the daughter of the lady from my church who lives down the road that I know only in passing. She smiled and asked me if I needed a ride to wherever I was going. 

I assured her I did not, we exchanged pleasantries and went on our way. It wasn't till a moment later when she turned around again, but I realize she had already driven past me once. She had started heading where ever she was going, turned around, and had come back to see about me.

Still I didn't realize what Jesus was doing.

A few moments later, a bit further down the road, still not yet to the trail, I was approaching a large hill. A truck went past me baring a name on the side that I recognized from high school. As the truck climbed the hill, it stopped suddenly and began to reverse quickly toward me. It came to a stop next to me, window down, and there inside was the father of some guys I went to high school with, asking if I needed a ride.

Once again, I assured him I did not. We exchanged a momentary chuckle about him driving backward down the road, and then he sped off.

As I watched him climb back up the hill, that's when the still small voice of Jesus showed up.

"Look at all the rides you had for work today."

My heart was suddenly overcome with the depths of God's provision. I didn't even actually WANT a ride, but he wanted me to know that if I NEEDED one, it was there. 

What a provider, defender and lover of my soul I have. He not only will provide for my needs, he will calm my ever wavering heart, over and over again.

You are good, good...always.