living life

Tonight, I went to see Beauty and the Beast for a third time.

As I was driving with my cousin to the movie we were discussing just how the Lord has grown and changed us. In some strange way, I think the very fact that this was my third go round at this movie was a sign of one of the things the Lord has changed in me over the last nearly 6 months.

I have learned to rest, reset, and just simply take the time to enjoy my life and the people in it.

Even as I am writing, I have to laugh. After spending the evening together at a movie that started wayyyyyy to late, I am now cozy and cuddled up under a blanket on my cousin Laura's couch. I'm chuckling because she is wandering the house, looking behind pictures, under coasters, in bowls and anywhere else she can think. She is searching for posted notes. Notes that her friends and I hid all around her house while she vacationed.

These are her friends, but they have become my friends, woman I respect and love. Woman I am grateful to have in my life. As we wrote these notes and hid them all around, we laughed until we couldn't laugh any more. Our hearts were so full of joy. That night was something so out of the ordinary and yet I felt so blessed. I was living life.

Over the last six months, I have slowly learned to stop striving so hard and to live. I have learned to take time to enjoy things instead of grinding and working so hard.

I know that the Lord never intended me to make my life so hard. Yes, sometimes things are difficult. Sometimes life is pain.

But slowly, I am learning to release the pressure I put on myself to be perfect, to strive, to achieve, to please everyone. I am releasing my grasp on these things and it is giving me immeasurable joy.

Just this week as I hopped in my car and drove to Chicago for my second go round of Beauty and the Beast, I left behind work that I COULD have done. I could have volunteered hours and done what most people would expect me to do. I could have showed up.

Instead, I was able to show up in a way that filled my heart with joy. I was able to say the best yes that I could instead of the one that guilt made me feel I had to.

I'm amazed by how the Lord has changed my heart and my vision over the last few months. I cannot wait to see, as I learn to let go of things that were never mine to carry, what He will fill my hands with instead.

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