even if
Today, was one of those days where the scale wasn't particularly kind to me. I didn't gain. Its just, I have been perched so close to a goal that I can't seem to get there for a couple weeks now.
It feels like it a taunting me.
It almost felt slightly by the end of this day, like life was taunting me.
It been one of those days that the enemy has whispered at every turn, "you know you'll never get there right? I mean, he basically forgot about you."
It wasn't just about the weight loss. It's the hope that that weight loss represents.
The hope of becoming a different person.
The hope of being better equipped for my life.
The hope of finally moving forward in other areas where I want to see God show up.
The hope for all the things I ache for but have yet to have.
Of course, the enemy is very faithful on these days to remind me I am forgotten in every way. It is on these days that people glibly make remarks to me like, "don't ever get pregnant," and my heart shouts, "HA! like that's even an option anyway!"
It's on these days where people ask me the question, "well don't you even WANT to get married?" The shouting of my soul cries, "yes, but no one seems to want to marry me."
I have had a great deal of encouragement in the fact that I am on the right track. I have felt confident that I am being obedient. I have seen more results physically in the last little while than I have the last few months. I have felt so confident in the fact that Jesus asked me to lay my heart on the alter and allow him to be enough, and I HAVE.
Yet, sometimes there is a dull ache.
Somedays, like today, there are constant subtle reminders all day.
It's days like today that I have to choose to cry out, even if I never take one more step forward in my life, I will praise you because you are completely enough.
I don't want to be so easily shaken.
I don't want the scale or peoples words to have so much power.
But sometimes, it does ache...
And even then, I want to lift my heart to the one who loves it most.
It feels like it a taunting me.
It almost felt slightly by the end of this day, like life was taunting me.
It been one of those days that the enemy has whispered at every turn, "you know you'll never get there right? I mean, he basically forgot about you."
It wasn't just about the weight loss. It's the hope that that weight loss represents.
The hope of becoming a different person.
The hope of being better equipped for my life.
The hope of finally moving forward in other areas where I want to see God show up.
The hope for all the things I ache for but have yet to have.
Of course, the enemy is very faithful on these days to remind me I am forgotten in every way. It is on these days that people glibly make remarks to me like, "don't ever get pregnant," and my heart shouts, "HA! like that's even an option anyway!"
It's on these days where people ask me the question, "well don't you even WANT to get married?" The shouting of my soul cries, "yes, but no one seems to want to marry me."
I have had a great deal of encouragement in the fact that I am on the right track. I have felt confident that I am being obedient. I have seen more results physically in the last little while than I have the last few months. I have felt so confident in the fact that Jesus asked me to lay my heart on the alter and allow him to be enough, and I HAVE.
Yet, sometimes there is a dull ache.
Somedays, like today, there are constant subtle reminders all day.
It's days like today that I have to choose to cry out, even if I never take one more step forward in my life, I will praise you because you are completely enough.
I don't want to be so easily shaken.
I don't want the scale or peoples words to have so much power.
But sometimes, it does ache...
And even then, I want to lift my heart to the one who loves it most.
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