perfect timing

Many times over the course of this day, people have wished me "happy Valentines day."

Truly, I try not to give Valentines day much thought. Its a day that doesnt really belong to me. 

I try very hard on Valentine's day not to sit around fixating on my singleness, but very often it seems to get tossed in my face all day long. Sometimes it's by well meaning people. Other times it's just the circumstances of both.

Honestly...today was REALLY not my favorite day.

I would rank it up there with the Valentine's day I found myself stranded up a holler in Appalachia with a flat tire and no way to call anyone and no one really to call. I learned quickly as a single sister how to change my own tire.

I will spare the you gorey details of this day, but suffice it to say it has not been great.

Something that I found myself saying over and over again was, 
"Really? Why on earth did this have to happen today?" 
It was nothing disasterous, just inconvenient and frustrating as it served as a constant, unavoidable, all day reminder of the hurts that this day can bring about. Then pairing that inconvenience with the very busy and full day I had waiting me at work and I was pretty much over it before I started.

I spent the day wanting nothing more than to be in my bed in the fetal position.

I am sitting at my desk, once again, clocked out but writing these words before I go home because if i made it there, they wouldnt happen. The only thing I want to do when I get there is collapse into my bed and leave today in the past.

Yet somewhere, in the quiet in the back of my mind, I can hear a still small voice remindning me that "everything happens for a reason" and "there are no mistakes in God's timing."

I believe that.

Wholeheartedly.

But there are days when I dont want to.

There are days when all the waiting and reminders of things I long for make me want to cry.

There are days when the inconviences that drop in my laqp, knock me off my square all day long.

There are days that if one more well meaning person says something to me or when one more friend unloads their issues on me, I want to run down the road screaming away from my life.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the little voice in quiet of my mind is the Holy Spirit. His tender words are at war with all that my flesh and my flesh is attcking back, literally.

But I want the Spirit to win.

I want to trust in God's timing about the greatest desires of my heart AND the smallest inconveinces of my life.

He knows.

His timing is perfect.

It rarely matches mine. I may not fall asleep today totally ok with this day.

But it IS perfect.

#preachingthegospeltomyself

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