inside out

Tonight I started a book club with a few sweet friends that I am blessed to have. We are reading a book called "Present Over Perfect." Shauna, the books author tells a story early in the book about someone who challenge her to stop, right where she was and change her life from the inside out.

I know that that is what this journey is all about.

Tonight as I talked to the girls I acknowledged that this journey has been nothing that I expected. It's been very hard. I have walked through and done things I never anticipated and have had slow to no progress in ways that I thought I would have break through.

As we talked tonight though I realized how much I have grown, and how much further I have to go. I have learned a lot. I have released many things. There are, however, some that I still REALLY struggle with.

Tonight one of the girls in the group called me out. There was a passage in the book that spoke VERBATIM, words that I have said and things I have believed about myself.

This is the passage:

"I've always given my best energy to things outside of myself believing that I'd be fine, that I was a workhorse, that I didn't need any special treatment or babysitting or, heaven help me, self care. Self care was for the fragile, the special, the dainty. I was a linebacker, a utility player, a worker bee. I ate on the run, slept in my clothes, worshiped at the alter of my to do list, ignore the crying out of my body and soul like they were nothing more than pesky mosquitos."

It was hard to hear.

I have used the word workhorse so many times.

I have reminded people over and over again that I am not very feminine or "dainty."

I struggle with the idea of self care. I have said this before.

I supposed I am a work in progress. I really do want to let these kind of thoughts fade away do that I can be remade...

...from the inside out.

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