33...and beyond

Some thoughts from the word tonight... Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity. What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun? A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever. The sun rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises. The wind blows to the south and goes around to the north; around and around goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns. All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again. All things are full of weariness; a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun. Is there a thing of which it is said, "See, this is new"? It has been already in the ages before us. There is no remembrance of former things, nor will there be any re...

Tonight is (maybe was I have no clue how long these things go) the Oscar's. I mentioned last week that I had recently seen a film that is expected to do well, (I have no clue is it will or did but I digress) LaLa Land. Today, I was thinking about the movie, because of the fact that the Oscar's were tonight and a thought came to me. Ok...spoiler alert. I heard people express that they didn't like the ending. Honestly, to me, it was neither here nor there because the ending is just life. The story doesn't always have the ending you want. Today however, what struck me was WHY this story had a bittersweet ending. Without ruining the entire film and going into a MILLION details I'll break it down to this. This couple didn't get to live their happily ever after because of assumptions. One assumed there was an expectation and feelings the other never voiced or even really felt. As a result, a decision was made that compromised identity and broke down the ...

Today, I had lots of intentions of being productive. I also had a DEEP desire to do absolutely nothing. I have been pushing hard and not really sitting still for a few weeks. Today, the laundry didn't get done. The things I thought I needed to do, still need to be done. In some small way, I feel like I turned a tiny corner today. I rested. I took care of me. Yes, laundry is a part of self care and I WILL do it. Today, however, I did the self care that I often let slide. I painted my nails, I did a facial mask, I used my Himalayan salt scrub and exfoliated. In a nutshell, I pampered myself a bit. And you know what? It felt nice. It felt good for my skin to feel soft and look dewy. It felt nice to paint my nails a color I wasn't sure I would like. It felt nice to let my hair flow free. Even with no makeup, I found myself feeling confident and pretty. That's a bigger deal than I can explain to you. That is not a feeling I often have. Today, I didn't need ...

In order to appreciate this story you have to know something about me. I am almost blind. Like, for real. My vision is AWFUL. I'm telling you this story because it fits hand and hand with one of my favorite illustrations about the sovereignty of God. Another thing you may or may not know about me is that, though I may struggle in my journey at times, I have a deep unwavering faith that God is fully sovereign and in control. Alright, my story. When I was in high school or perhaps just recently graduated, I was spending the night at my youth directors house. We were having a lock in of sorts. We had done Bible study and had prayer time, played all sorts of game and all the things you would expect to do. Not everyone stayed all night and at some point there were only a few of us left. It looked like we were headed toward going to bed somewhere around 3:30 or so and I could not stand having my contacts in any long so I took them out. I use a type of solution that once...

When I started this journey several months ago, I was a different person than I am today. I feel like I have lived a lot of life since then. I suppose that is true of any year really but this year I am taking the time to be more intentional and I seem to be noticing my life more. I guess if I am being frank, when I look back on the girl I was at the beginning of this, although my deepest baseline intention was to submit myself to the Lord, there was also a very real expectation of an overhaul in my body. I had set all these goals and worked hard to accomplish them with perfection. Here is what I have learned so far. Perfection in unattainable. No matter how hard you want it or try, it is a standard you cannot fuly reach. Perfection isn’t necessary. Many of the biggest lessons I have learned along the way have been in my moments of deepest failure or the darkest places my heart has reached. Perfection doesn’t always mean progress. That is the thought that I cann...

I had something in mind this morning that I wanted to write about. Now as I take this moment to do so, I can't for the life of me think what it was. I suppose the Lord will bring it back to my mind in time and I will share it then. Tonight, I have few words. It's not because today was good, or bad. It's because today was average. No deep valleys. No soaring mountain tops. Just an average, run of the mill day with nothing of great consequence to say. I wonder what tomorrow will hold.

I can't remember much about studying Shakespeare in high school. There is, however, something about the words of his Sonnet 116 that sometimes dance through my mind. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove. O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken. The words are so beautiful and the meaning so deep. So many times in the last few days I have turned my thoughts to love. More specifically, I have turned my thoughts to God's love for His children. Over the course of a variety of conversations, my heart keeps returning to the depth of His love for us. It is an ever fixed mark that looks not at tempests and is never shaken. His love never fails. It can't. But it so beyond our comprehension. We want to fit His love isn't the measurements of our ideals and He cannot and will not fit. Just like Shakespeare said, it does not alter. As humans we know broke love based on emotion...