A letter to myself, past and present and future.
Dear past me,
I just sat and reread the words that I wrote to myself a year ago today, for this day. I don't know if I know how to feel. There is a very real part of me that wants to say that I have failed us. I wrote about a mountain of expectations and all the amazing things I hoped we would do. I wrote of running marathons and crushing goals...
If I am going to be honest this year has been one of the hardest, spiritual warfare filled, difficult years of the 33 that I have lived so far. But as I read the letter from a year ago today these words struck me:
"The girl I am today is strong and loves people without restraint. Don't let that fade. I hope that as the year went on and life threw things at you, they haven't hardened your heart, but only made you stronger.
I pray this past year has taught you, more than ever, to have your eyes fixed firmly on the Lord never straying to the right or to the left. I hope you have stopped seeking approval, acceptance or fulfillment from anything or anyone but Christ."
This year has thrown a lot at me. My heart is ragged and tired, but you know what, I know where I stand and with whom I stand. I have come to a place that even when my heart is aching I know that nothing apart from the Lord can strengthen me or satisfy me.
I havent crushed all the goals, I still struggle with my weight, I still am learning to understand my value and my identity in Christ but this I can say with out any doubt...I am not who I was. I am forever changed...
Dear present me,
I know that you feel like you are stuck in a place of limbo right now. I know that you feel like your heart has been beaten up and bruised. I know that you have witnessed so much hurt and ache over the last year and I know that right now your world doesn't totally make sense.
Stand still.
Stand firm.
Stay the course.
Trust Jesus... He is all you need.
Dear future me,
I have know idea where we are going. I have no idea what Jesus is doing. Over this past year if I have accomplished nothing else, I have relinquished expectations and learned not to walk in them. Let us simply walk in the glory and the hope that is found in following Jesus. Whatever happens, you are not a failure. Whatever road He leads you down, follow.
It may not always make sense, it may be lined with heartache but remember this, God is unfailingly good.
That is all you need to know. Walk in it. He is working all things out to His glory and His purpose. Surrender to Him everyday. Remember, the more you surrender the harder the enemy attacks. Do not be afraid. Do not listen to His voice. Lean in to the Savior. Be ferocious in dealing with sin.
The one thing that I know is that this year is not a year of goals and expectations. The Lord has made it clear that this is a year of fasting. Whatever He asks for, lay it down. However long He asks it, stay the course. When you feel like you have failed, don't retreat, look up.
When the road is lonely, He alone is your source. Do not look to others, look to Jesus.
Let's live this year in the spirit of whatever...whatever You want me to do, whatever You don't want me to do...no matter what.
Ok, Linda take a deep breath annnnnd go...
Love, me (in the last few moments of 33)
I just sat and reread the words that I wrote to myself a year ago today, for this day. I don't know if I know how to feel. There is a very real part of me that wants to say that I have failed us. I wrote about a mountain of expectations and all the amazing things I hoped we would do. I wrote of running marathons and crushing goals...
If I am going to be honest this year has been one of the hardest, spiritual warfare filled, difficult years of the 33 that I have lived so far. But as I read the letter from a year ago today these words struck me:
"The girl I am today is strong and loves people without restraint. Don't let that fade. I hope that as the year went on and life threw things at you, they haven't hardened your heart, but only made you stronger.
I pray this past year has taught you, more than ever, to have your eyes fixed firmly on the Lord never straying to the right or to the left. I hope you have stopped seeking approval, acceptance or fulfillment from anything or anyone but Christ."
This year has thrown a lot at me. My heart is ragged and tired, but you know what, I know where I stand and with whom I stand. I have come to a place that even when my heart is aching I know that nothing apart from the Lord can strengthen me or satisfy me.
I havent crushed all the goals, I still struggle with my weight, I still am learning to understand my value and my identity in Christ but this I can say with out any doubt...I am not who I was. I am forever changed...
Dear present me,
I know that you feel like you are stuck in a place of limbo right now. I know that you feel like your heart has been beaten up and bruised. I know that you have witnessed so much hurt and ache over the last year and I know that right now your world doesn't totally make sense.
Stand still.
Stand firm.
Stay the course.
Trust Jesus... He is all you need.
Dear future me,
I have know idea where we are going. I have no idea what Jesus is doing. Over this past year if I have accomplished nothing else, I have relinquished expectations and learned not to walk in them. Let us simply walk in the glory and the hope that is found in following Jesus. Whatever happens, you are not a failure. Whatever road He leads you down, follow.
It may not always make sense, it may be lined with heartache but remember this, God is unfailingly good.
That is all you need to know. Walk in it. He is working all things out to His glory and His purpose. Surrender to Him everyday. Remember, the more you surrender the harder the enemy attacks. Do not be afraid. Do not listen to His voice. Lean in to the Savior. Be ferocious in dealing with sin.
The one thing that I know is that this year is not a year of goals and expectations. The Lord has made it clear that this is a year of fasting. Whatever He asks for, lay it down. However long He asks it, stay the course. When you feel like you have failed, don't retreat, look up.
When the road is lonely, He alone is your source. Do not look to others, look to Jesus.
Let's live this year in the spirit of whatever...whatever You want me to do, whatever You don't want me to do...no matter what.
Ok, Linda take a deep breath annnnnd go...
Love, me (in the last few moments of 33)
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